Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
Sometime Marquis of Tichfield, Earl of Portland, Viscount Woodstock, Baron of Cirencester, co-heir to
the Barony of Ogle and renowned as the finest judge of horseflesh in England, you took the tradition
of aristocratic eccentricity to unprecedented heights. Having inherited the stately home of Welbeck
Abbey, you proceeded to construct miles of underground tunnels and a ballroom, in pink, beneath it. The ballroom was complete except for one small detail. It had no floor. Despite this vast home, you
lived exclusively in a suite of five rooms, each one also pink.
Having been turned down by your opera singer objet d’amour, Adelaide Kemble, in your youth, you suffered a broken heart and never married. This did not stop you from caring deeply about the wellbeing of your servants. Occasionally you would even help them muck out the stables. However, you did not neglect discipline, forcing disobedient underlings to skate themselves to exhaustion on your subterranean skating rink. Servants were given strict instructions regarding conduct: if they met you in a corridor, they were to ignore your existence while you froze to the spot until they were out of sight; and a chicken was to be kept roasting at all times in case you felt like sneaking into the kitchen for a snack.
You became ever more eccentric with age. You built another tunnel, this time to the railway station,
through which you would ride your carriage. When you reached the station your carriage, with you
inside, would be hoisted up onto the train in its entirety.
Upon your death, your multitude of titles passed to your cousin, who was obliged to delve into your
curious domain to find your body once the servants had reported your absence. Entering your private
rooms, he found that, aside from a commode in the centre of your bedroom, the only objects in the
whole suite were hundreds of hatboxes, each containing a single brown wig.